just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
