No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize