you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
