so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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