I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
