totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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