I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
