I heard we made out
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
