I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
