We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
