I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
