And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
