Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My feet surprised me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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