8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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