i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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