Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
