so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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