Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
