A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
