Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
