Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
wow bdsm is so cute
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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