I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
