idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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