just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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