Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just high enough for therapy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Congratulations! We have a period
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
