you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize