I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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