I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
