my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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