Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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