it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
