someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
