He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
