I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
