i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
