Ambien. No doubt about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
