Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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