This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
