it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
