I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
