I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize