Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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