I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
