Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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