i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
