when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
