I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
