Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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