its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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