I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
