Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
