I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
