I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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