i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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