Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
