they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
