Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
