seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
