Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dignity is for republicans.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
