you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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