I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize