she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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