Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
