yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
