FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
