i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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